Silas (The Sutton Ranch Series Book 1) Read online

  When her face fell, and she gnawed her bottom lip, some of the tension in my shoulders let go. She was full of fire and hurting, too.

  She ran her fingers through her long hair before fixing a cold stare on me that could’ve frozen the desert. “You’re right. Thank you for taking Snickers out.” With a barely concealed smirk, she spun on her fancy little heels and stomped toward the main house.

  “Welcome home!” I barked, needing to have the last word.

  Her middle finger flew up, and I shook my head. I’d always been quick to fire back with Mirabelle, but this wasn’t going at all like I’d thought. We needed to find a way to talk to each other so we could figure out the funeral arrangements, not kill each other. This was going to be a fucking disaster if I didn’t get my fuse under control around her.

  The second I walked through the barn doors, the talking stopped, and the Davis brothers turned to look at me. Someone had removed Snickers’ saddle and hosed him down a bit. I grabbed a brush and started to go over him, checking for injuries since I’d run him pretty hard after a couple days of rest. He’d needed it as much as I had, but I’d feel like shit if he got hurt in the process.

  Nate and Ryke leaned against the stalls, their questioning stares burning holes in my back. The brothers were a vital part of the ranch and damn good friends to me. I was glad they were, because in all honesty, together, they were intimidating as hell.

  “Si, you want to tell Ryke and me what to expect here?” Nate broke the silence first. “I mean, what the fuck did you do to that girl for her to hate you so much?” His chuckle slipped when I glared at him. He took off his hat and ran his hand through his blond hair before putting it back on, wiping the smile from his face.

  “I think what my brother so eloquently means is, is there something we need to know about before we get caught in the middle of anything?” Ryke stepped forward and took a brush to the other side of Snickers. We were more comfortable talking about serious things when we were working with a horse.

  “Where Mirabelle is concerned, I don’t know what the hell to expect. We’ve known each other forever, but the last time I saw her, things didn’t go so well.” My brush hit the bucket with a loud thwack. Though tempted to kick the damn thing across the barn, I settled on banging my forehead against the nearest stall. “Hell, you’ve been here long enough to know she hasn’t been back since she left for college, and I’m pretty sure I’m the reason why.”

  My emotions were like a ball of tangled rope—useless unless unraveled. Losing Dalton left me gutted, but the ranch didn’t stop for death. Not even when it was the owner. Too much life remained for me to wallow in self-pity, but the mess of it all seemed unrelenting.

  Explaining the situation with Mirabelle—shit, where did I even start? I didn’t know what I’d hoped for with our reunion, but I knew it didn’t start with her looking at me with such disgust. Hurting her had never been my intention, and over the four years she’d been gone, whatever love she’d felt for me had been overshadowed by the pain I’d caused her. Maybe that was how it went. Pain broke love, and in order to protect yourself, you built up walls.

  I had to find a way to shatter her walls.

  “I hope you didn’t turn her down, Si. Fuck, man, she’s a hot one.” Nate wiggled his eyebrows at me.

  Yes, he was just being his normal smartass self, but he needed to understand one very important thing. I stalked over to him, jerking my head at Ryke when he stepped in front of his brother. Even though I wasn’t going to hurt anyone, Dalton’s death had all of us out of sorts, so I didn’t fault his protective nature.

  “Mirabelle is off limits. Are we all clear about that?” I glowered at both of them, waiting for their confirmation.

  “Crystal clear, Si.” Ryke nodded and elbowed Nate.

  “Aww shit, Si. I was just being an ass. I’m not going to go after Dalton’s sister. I have too much respect for you all.” Nate held my eyes with an honest stare, assuring me of his sincerity.

  “Make sure all the off-site hands understand, too.”

  Not waiting for a reply, I grabbed Snickers’ reins and led him to the paddock to turn him out so he could relax. Hell, I needed to relax a bit myself, and standing in a barn wasn’t gonna help. Leaning on the rails, I surveyed my surroundings, hoping to find answers. I needed to figure things out, and nothing helped a man think like the smell of horses and fresh cut grass. And God knew my thoughts were never far from that infuriating young woman in the main house.

  Mirabelle had always been around. Hell, most of the time, she’d followed Dalton and me around like a lost puppy. Dalton had never minded. He’d loved his sister. It had bothered me when I was younger, always feeling like I had to share my best friend with her. She’d had a crush on me. I’d ignored the little girl with wild hair and a sweet smile that got her about anything where Dalton was concerned.

  Until one hot summer day.

  Caroline had told me Dalton and Mirabelle were cooling off at the creek. We’d spent more time in that cold water during the summer months than I could remember. Halfway through the woods, I’d heard music, rushing water, and laughter. When I’d broken the tree line, Mirabelle was dancing on a large rock in the middle of the stream, swinging her hips and twirling around to a country song playing on the portable radio.

  Dalton’s hand flew up in greeting when he saw me, drawing Mira’s attention to me.

  “Come on in, Silas!” Her excited voice carried over the sounds of the water.

  The saliva in my mouth had disappeared, taking my thoughts and the ability to form words right with it. When the fuck had Mirabelle gotten boobs? Her tiny waist and bikini had been clearly visible through her wet white t-shirt. The sight of her had stunned me. Well, most of me. My cock had stirred in my shorts, freaking me the fuck out. As soon as I could speak, I’d ended up making an excuse and getting the hell out of there.

  She’d unknowingly driven me crazy for many years to come.

  Who was I kidding? She still did.

  Pushing off the rails, I headed back into the barn where Ryke was saddling our horses for a fence check. Nate was cleaning the tack room. On the surface, everything seemed normal, but my stomach churned with uncertainty. Riding the fence was a good idea right now. It would give me a few hours to figure out what the hell I was going to say to Mirabelle when I got back.

  M I R A B E L L E

  I had no idea how I would make it on a ranch full of men right now. A girl needed her girlfriends at a time like this. When I saw Shiloh’s name on the screen of my phone, my heart ached with the need to talk to her.

  “Hello?” My voice was thick with pain and unshed tears.

  “Mira? Are you okay?” Shiloh’s voice was unusually somber. So tuned into my feelings, she had to know I was barely holding it together.

  “No.” My breath shuddered as I swallowed back tears.

  “Oh, sweetie. I wish I was there. I can’t begin to imagine what you’re going through.”

  God, I wish she was here, too. In Baltimore, she was more than my roommate. She was my best friend. Being around her was comfortable, like wrapping yourself in a warm blanket. She was fun, witty, and intelligent, but most importantly, she was genuine and unpretentious.

  “Me, too, Shiloh. Me, too.”

  Her words of encouragement lightened my grief, if only for a moment, and with promises to speak soon, we ended our call.

  The mattress absorbed my weight as I gathered the comforter around me. My bedroom hadn’t changed a bit. Dalton kept everything the way I had before leaving for college. The ache in my chest was so severe that, if I hadn’t felt the same pain off and on the last two days, I’d swear I was having a heart attack at only twenty-two-years old.

  Tears started, and my body shook. Was I ever going to stop blubbering at random times? For someone who wasn’t much of a crier, I was sure doing it a lot now. Face buried in my pillow to muffle the sobs, I jumped when large, rough hands rubbed circles on my back.

  �
��We were going to fix the fence on the east side, about a forty-five-minute ride away. We took the quads out with a wagon because a part of the fence was completely down, and we needed more supplies than usual.” Si’s low, deep voice lulled me into a much-needed state of calm. My breaths grew shallow, anticipating what was coming next. He was finally going to tell me.

  Since I’d been back on the ranch, everyone I’d asked about what happened to Dalton told me to talk to Si. But other than discussions about funeral arrangements, he and I hadn’t said much. Maybe he feared this conversation as much as I did, and our first encounter hadn’t been the most civil, thanks to my stubborn temper.

  “Dalton and I always ran the quads hard. We raced like kids every time he and I got out together.” I heard a smile in his voice. “That day wasn’t any different, except my four-wheeler was pulling the wagon, so I was slower. We were almost to our destination when . . .” He paused and took a deep shaky breath. “Fuck, Mirabelle, one minute we were laughing and racing, and the next, he was flying through the air.” He gripped my nightgown, twisting it in his hand as if he was back in the moment. My breath froze in my chest. Deep pain coated his words. Part of me wanted to turn over and wrap him in my arms, but I couldn’t move, afraid he would stop talking, but just as afraid of what I would hear next.

  “He must’ve hit a hole or something because the quad literally stopped and launched him. By the time I got to him, he was on his back. He didn’t look hurt. I kept expecting him to start laughing, but he just stared at me. That’s when I saw it.

  “Blood dripping out of the corner of his mouth. I got on the radio and called the guys to bring the truck. Dalton shook his head, and I knew—I fucking knew, Mirabelle. He did, too.” Si’s voice caught in a sob, and my own tears started again. “I didn’t know what to do for him, so I laid down next to him and held his hand. He was able to talk a little, so we just talked and waited.” Tremors wracked Silas’s body. Between the two of us, my bed shook as if there were an earthquake.

  “He was my fucking best friend, the closest thing to a brother I’ve ever had. I loved him, and I told him that, too.”

  My heart broke for Si. I couldn’t imagine doing what he did for my brother, but I was so grateful he had. It meant so much to know he didn’t die alone.

  “By the time the guys pulled up, he was gone. Ryke knelt down next to us and just waited. I’m not sure what Nate was doing, but he was there when I was ready to shift Dalton. When we moved him, I finally saw what got him. There was a rock under him that he must’ve landed on just right. Severed his spine and tore some vessels, they said.”

  I gasped. I couldn’t imagine how painful it was for him. Si must’ve known where my mind was.

  “He said he wasn’t in any pain, Mirabelle. He seemed unnaturally at peace the whole time. I’m so sorry, baby. I’m so fucking sorry I couldn’t save him.” Si stood and leaned over so his mouth was right behind my right ear. “He said to tell you he loved you and that he was so fucking proud of you.” He kissed the top of my head before walking out of my room and shutting my door.

  My heart was broken. I couldn’t find any words to speak, so I let my tears say everything I felt.

  The barn door closed behind me with a soft whoosh, and I took a deep breath. Fresh straw, old, musty wood, leather, lemon oil, and horse manure. The smells, good and bad, made me smile. They were home—everything I knew and loved. The stomping, snuffling, and soft neighs of the horses increased as I moved down the aisle. Before I even got there, Snickers put his head over the stall and when he whinnied louder, I couldn’t help but smile.

  “Hey, buddy, I’ve missed you. I’m sorry I stayed away so long,” I murmured, unlocking the gate to slip inside Snickers’ stall. His eyes were soft and genuine as they peered down at me. They saw through me—they always had. When he nudged my chest, his ears perking, a giggle burst out. After the last few days, laughing felt foreign yet good. “Want a treat, Snicks?” Pulling a peppermint from my pocket, I held it out to him, smiling as the softness of his nose tickled my hand.

  Dalton had laughed when I’d picked the name Snickers because it was my favorite candy bar. When he was a foal, he didn’t have the same coloring and marks as he did now. But through the years, Snickers grew to fit his name. His body was milk chocolate, with white on his back and hind quarters. The dark spots on the white were called a Spotted Blanket, and they reminded me of the nuts in a Snickers bar.

  “I bet you miss him, don’t you, boy?” He rubbed his nose against my shoulder. “I do, too, Snickers.” My hand stroked over his neck as I leaned into him, his warmth comforting me. “We’re going to bury him today, buddy. I don’t know how I’m going to get through it.” Finding my cheeks wet was no longer a surprise to me, though how my body still produced tears was a miracle. Would I ever be able to wrap my head around what happened to Dalton? Would I make it without him in my life?

  Gone were the two AM wake-ups to watch the meteor showers. No more stockings filled on Christmas morning, even though he knew I no longer believed. No more obnoxious pranks leaving me wet, dirty, muddy, or angry. No more infectious laughter or pancakes in bed on my birthday. No more holding me when I was scared.

  When my mind settled beneath the weight of warm, loving memories, I said goodbye to Snickers and ran smack into Ryke who stood silently against the wooden wall, waiting patiently.

  “I’m sorry, Ryke, were you waiting to work with Snickers?” I asked, looking around and realizing his stable mates had already been turned out. How long was I in there with him?

  “It’s no problem, Mira.” Ryke smiled softly. “You and Snickers need each other right now. It looked like it, anyway.” He shrugged.

  “Yeah, I think you’re right,” I agreed.

  “Caroline says we’re leaving for the church in about an hour and a half.” He squeezed my shoulder before entering Snickers’ stall.

  “Thank you, Ryke.” Taking in a deep breath, I filled my lungs with the comforting smell of fresh straw before heading to the house to get ready for what just might be the hardest day of my life.

  After today’s goodbyes, I would truly be alone in the world. My entire family was gone.

  M I R A B E L L E

  The funeral itself was perfect, and the reception after was very relaxed. The local people and hands shared memories of Dalton. Laughter was abundant, and tears flowed. It warmed my heart to know how much everyone loved my brother.

  But now, the house was almost too quiet, which meant my mind was once again all over the place. Stay at the ranch? Go back to Baltimore? Plot Silas’s murder? I was at a loss, and considering the last thought darting through my head, keeping within my own mind was probably not the healthiest thing for me to do. And in Silas’s case, safest.

  “Why are you still here, Mirabelle?” Caroline asked as she put the kitchen back together.

  “I don’t know.” I shrugged, sitting down at the table and picking at a napkin. “The last thing I want to do is sit in a bar and cry in front of everybody.”

  The hands and some locals were at the bar, celebrating Dalton’s life. When Nate had suggested it, everyone had agreed Dalton wouldn’t have wanted us sitting around mourning him. He would want us to toast him with a drink, and get right back on the horse, so to speak. The guys had asked me to go, but I was an emotional mess, and my reactions were unpredictable, to say the least.

  Caroline threw her rag on the counter and stood behind me, running gentle, soothing hands through my hair. “I can’t imagine how you’re feeling right now, Mirabelle, but I also can’t imagine that Dalton would, for one minute, want you sulking around the house. That boy was on fire with life. It’s been a long time since you’ve had that fire in you, too.” Caroline chuckled softly and smacked me playfully upside the head. “Before you get it in your head that I don’t know what I’m talking about, I’ll have you know that just because you were gone for all of those years doesn’t mean I don’t know that you lost a bit of yourself when you left. D
alton knew it too. If you want to honor your brother, you go find yourself some of that fire and make something of it. You’re home now, and I expect you to figure out what your next step is.” She leaned down and kissed my forehead before returning to her cleaning.

  Maybe she was right. I pushed away from the table and left the room, but not before I caught Caroline’s small smile.

  My closet held all the clothes I’d thought were too country for Maryland. I chose a pair of nicer jeans and a black button-up blouse. A red lacey camisole peeked through the deep V neck. A pair of dress boots finished the outfit. After running a brush through my hair, I stood back to look in the mirror. A wide grin settled on my lips. I looked like I belonged on Sutton Ranch again.

  “Okay, Dalton, this is your night,” I whispered before grabbing my purse and heading down the stairs to the porch. “Goodnight, Caroline!”

  “Want a ride?” I jumped at the sound of the deep voice.

  “Shit, Ryke! You scared the daylights out of me.” I covered my heart and glared at the tall cowboy in front of me. “I thought everyone had left already.”

  “I wanted to double check the horses, so I stayed behind. I’m heading out now, though. Do you want to ride with me?” he asked, pointing to his truck.

  “Sure.” I walked over and climbed in, settling back into the seat. I allowed happiness to creep back into my bones, filling my soul with an optimism I’d craved for a very long time.