Nate Read online

  Nothing had ever been about me and my feelings.

  But it was now. My decision to move to Colorado had been my own. I was capable of more than they had ever imagined. I was a strong, determined woman, and as far as I was concerned, anyone who tried to stand in my way was going to get their ass run over.

  N A T E

  “Are you going to the same place as me?” Ryke’s voice behind me stopped my mirror check. The last thing I wanted was shit about primping.

  “Just getting cleaned up for dinner, brother.”

  “Bullshit. You look like you’re going out on the town. I’m sure Caroline will appreciate all your effort.”

  His laughter irritated me. Ryke didn’t understand how hard it was for me to actually communicate with the ladies. The guys assumed I had game because I got laid a lot. The truth was, the only thing I had going for me was my looks. When I saw someone I was interested in, I turned on the charm and gave her a few smiles and winks. Shallow? Yes, but it worked for me.

  “Like I said, just cleaning up. You ready?” I slammed my shoulder into his as I moved through the doorway. It did nothing to stop his poking fun. Rather, he laughed harder. A smile threatened my face, and it was a good thing Ryke was behind me. I didn’t want him to see it.

  As much as his amusement at my expense pissed me off, I couldn’t help but appreciate it a little. Ryke rarely let go and enjoyed himself. He’d been serious most of his life. The death of our mom when we were five years old changed him and everything else.

  Halfway across the yard, Ryke settled into a pace next to me. His face was relaxed, but no longer smiling, although a hint of mirth remained in his eyes. “So, what’s her name?” he asked.

  “The girl? Or are you still hot after her horse?” This time he bumped my shoulder with his, causing my feet to stumble as they hit the bottom porch step. I barely caught myself before falling on my face.

  “Asshole,” I muttered as we slipped through the door. A smack on the back of my head sent a sharp sting across my scalp. “Oww!”

  “Watch your language, Nathan.” Caroline reached up and kissed my cheek and then Ryke’s before continuing into the dining room.

  Ryke held his laughter as I rubbed the back of my head. Caroline had been known to cuff those who took too much pleasure in another’s discipline. I swear that woman had the hearing of an owl, but hers was hyper-focused on swear words. She was determined to rid the ranch of cussing and make us boys respectable. It was a good thing we all adored her.

  “Holy Sh—izzle.” I barely caught myself, nervously looking around for the woman with the stealthy hand. The dining table was set like we were celebrating a holiday. All the dishes were in perfect matched settings. A large, mouthwatering ham sat in the center, the glaze sizzling like it was straight from the oven.

  “This looks incredible.” Ryke took his usual chair.

  “Caroline has outdone herself,” Silas said from the end of the table.

  “You think we should go help?” I asked Ryke and Si, unsure if we would just be in the way.

  “No need.” Mira burst through the door, carrying a salad.

  With a nod, I took my own seat. Mira and Ryke were at Silas’s sides, and Caroline was beside me, putting me within arm’s reach if I misbehaved. Shiloh’s empty chair was directly across from me.

  “Here she is,” Mira announced.

  Three chairs skidded on the wood floor as Silas, Ryke, and I stood to welcome our guest. My heart raced in anticipation as I turned to face the beauty.

  Her blonde hair hung down her back, the soft curls bouncing as she descended the stairs. She didn’t look over at us right away, giving me an extra chance to check out her gorgeous profile. The pink sundress stopped right above her knees, and if I’d thought her legs looked nice in her riding breeches, it was obvious they hadn’t done them justice at all. As her foot hit the last step, she faltered. Her arms and legs seemed to be in some kind of quarrel with her brain as to which direction they should go. Just as quickly, she righted herself, but not before banging into the rail.

  “Hey!” Her cheerful voice had me grinning like a fool, impressed with her quick recovery.

  Then I saw something strange. It took several seconds to make sense of it. She strode toward us, sweeping a long, thin, white cane back and forth in front of her.

  “What the hell?” I muttered seconds before I caught another hand to the back of the head. “Oww!” At this rate, I was gonna have a concussion by the end of the night. Silas glared at me before stepping forward.

  “Hi, Shiloh. Can I help you to your seat?” he asked, waiting for her to take his arm before leading her around the table. When she was seated, Ryke and I lowered ourselves into our own chairs.

  Shiloh closed her eyes and breathed in deeply as she placed her napkin on her lap. “It smells delicious.” What was I missing? “Who all is with us?” Her voice was so casual like this was an everyday occurrence. Maybe it was for her, but I was completely lost.

  “You have me to your right, then Silas and Ryke. Nate is across from you, and Caroline is to your left,” Mira said.

  “Can I serve you?” Caroline asked. When Shiloh nodded, Caroline proceeded to fill her plate, explaining each food as she did.

  “Nice to meet you all. I’m Shiloh, by the way.” Her mouth curved into a smile, so genuine and warm, all I could do was stare at her.

  As the food was passed around the table, I placed random scoops onto my plate before handing off the dish. If asked what I’d served myself, I couldn’t say. My eyes were trained on the woman across from me. Without thinking, I reached across the table and flashed my hand in front of her face.

  “Nate!” Silas’s voice held a sharp warning that had me sinking back into my seat.

  “Is this a joke?” I asked, looking around the table, waiting for someone to give in and have a good laugh at my expense. It wasn’t unusual for the guys to pull pranks on me in retaliation for all the ones I pulled over on them; however, usually the ladies weren’t involved, so this was new.

  “Nate, stop.” Ryke poked me hard in the ribs.

  “Did you really just wave your hand in my face?” Shiloh’s head tilted to the side, her facial expression hardening, as she stared in my direction. Her eyes appeared focused on me, and then they almost seemed to look through me.

  “See!” I clapped and pointed. “I knew you were messing with me.” I grinned, glancing around the table at my friends, only none of them shared my discovery. In fact, they stared at me like I had two heads. My confidence faltered.

  “You’re blind?” The question sounded accusatory even to my own ears, and when Shiloh recoiled slightly, regret hit me in an instant.

  Mira placed her hand on Shiloh’s to comfort her, and I knew I’d fucked up. I half-expected Shiloh to cry, but instead, she patted Mira’s hand before squinting in my direction.

  “Yes, Nate, I am blind.” Her mouth set in a hard line.

  Her statement was so confident, I almost admired her. At the same time, I felt blindsided. How did I not know? Wasn’t this something I should’ve noticed right away when I first met her?

  “Why didn’t you tell me at the paddock?” I wondered aloud. How could she ride a horse with more self-assurance than most people without being able to see?

  “I guess we both held something back at our first meeting.” Her small shoulders raised and lowered in a shrug as she popped a piece of ham into her mouth.

  “What do you mean? I didn’t hold anything back?” Frowning, I replayed our first meeting over in my head.

  Her fingers feathered along the tabletop until they found her lemonade, moving with fluidity and softness. The sight of her full pink lips curved around the glass as she drank, mesmerized me. With her left hand, she searched to find a level place for her glass before carefully placing it back down. Moving her fingers around the edge of the plate, she located her fork where she’d placed it before. Her movements were gentle, yet precise. I half expected her to ignore my
question, but she looked back at me and smiled. Only this smile wasn’t the warm one from before. This one didn’t reach her eyes. It was almost mischievous.

  “You’re right. I didn’t tell you I was blind when I introduced myself, and you didn’t tell me you were an asshole when you introduced yourself. I guess we both found out something new this evening.” She popped another piece of ham into her mouth, nonchalant like she didn’t call me an asshole at the dinner table. As soon as she finished chewing, she looked back in my direction. “The difference is that my blindness doesn’t define me. As for you, well, that’s still up in the air.”

  “Oww!” My hand cupped the back of my battered head, protecting myself in case another smack was coming. “Why are you hitting me, Caroline? She’s the one who cussed.”

  “That one was yours because she’s right. Shame on you, Nathan.” Caroline nodded once and grabbed the pitcher of tea, refilling her glass as if nothing was different. Silas and Ryke barely covered their laughter as they stuffed food into their mouths.

  As conversation ensued around the table, I ate quietly. Like a fool, I’d gotten all cleaned up in hopes of impressing this girl. Women usually approached me, and those who didn’t were eating out of my palm minutes after I made my move. But in this situation, I had no idea how to start from scratch.

  How the fuck did I catch the attention of a blind girl who couldn’t see how hot I was?

  This night wasn’t going at all like I’d planned.

  S H I L O H

  The air cooled several degrees, meaning the sun was almost, if not already, gone from the sky. Wooden gliders squeaked against the porch as I rocked. The faint chirp of crickets rose from the distance as if they were approaching in a synchronized advancement. The snuffling of the horses was a comfort. No people shouting or horns blowing. The symphony of the Colorado countryside was my new favorite thing.

  After a three-day drive from Baltimore, the quiet was exactly what my tired mind and body needed.

  I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply through my nose. An involuntary sigh left my lips as I exhaled. “Love that,” I whispered.

  “It’s the rain.”

  The deep voice startled me. I was so lost in my own thoughts I didn’t hear Nate approach.

  “It’s really just the wet dirt, ‘cause I don’t think rain actually smells, but that’s what we always associate it with.” The seat next to me creaked as Nate sat down. His basic explanation of the smell of rain made me smile. “I’m sorry I was an asshole back there.”

  Nate’s voice held regret, and I immediately forgave him. Over the years, if I’d taken every comment about my blindness to heart, I would be a sad, miserable person. It wasn’t always easy to do. Words had the power to hurt like nothing else, almost as much as someone you loved not believing in you.

  My world was a constant blend of me trying to live as a non-disabled person and being treated by others as a disabled person. I couldn’t change what other people thought of me, but I could control what I thought of myself. People had a very black and white view of blindness. It took many years for me to be comfortable to use myself as a learning tool to show the vast spectrum of vision loss.

  “Let’s just pretend it didn’t happen,” I suggested, my version of an olive branch.

  “Yes, please. I guess I was just surprised that you’re, um, ah . . . visually impaired,” he stammered. I was warmed by his hesitant attempt at political correctness.

  “Honestly, I assumed Mira had told everyone.” Then again, it didn’t surprise me she hadn’t. Mira never treated me like the ‘blind friend’. I was just her friend Shiloh, who also happened to be blind. My lack of sight, though a part of me, didn’t define me.

  “Well, she didn’t, and to be honest, you don’t ride a horse like a blind person.” His statement made me giggle.

  “You see a lot of blind people riding horses around here, Nate?” I teased.

  “Um, shit, well . . .”

  “Nate, relax. I’m just messing with you.” I was going to have to go easy on him. His confidence had been shaken.

  “I don’t know how to do this,” he mumbled, frustration lacing his words.

  “Do what? Talk to someone?”

  “No, talk to someone who can’t see me.” The groan from the chair told me he’d stood. The heel of his boot tapping against the porch floor vibrated the wood beneath my feet.

  “Why would that be an issue?” I leaned forward and tilted my face in the direction where I thought he was. In an odd way, I was truly enjoying this awkward conversation. It put me at ease to know I wasn’t the only one navigating new waters. Nate seemed to speak without a filter, and in a weird way, it was comforting. I didn’t have to guess what he was thinking or wonder if he was hiding anything.

  “Because I look hot, and you can’t even appreciate it,” he grumbled.

  His exasperated tone had joyful laughter bubbling through me. His low chuckle told me he was laughing, too, so I didn’t feel like a total ass. When I got myself relatively under control, I stood.

  “You didn’t have any trouble talking to me at the paddock.” I tilted my head, listening for his response.

  “That’s because I thought you could see me. Now I feel stupid for all the charm I was throwing to impress you.” Even with a hint of joking in his voice, there was also truth behind his words.

  “Come here.” I held out my hand and waved him toward me.

  “Why?” he asked, his voice wavered like he thought I was going to do something bad.

  “I’m going to appreciate your hotness.” I wiggled my fingers to encourage him. His soft chuckle told me I’d won, even before I felt his warm, rough hand on mine. When he stopped two arms’ lengths away, I stepped to him. His warm breath staggered slightly, blowing over my forehead. He was at least a head taller than me. “I’m going to tell you how you ‘look’ to me. Ready?”

  Without waiting for his answer, my fingers drifted over his hands, up his exposed forearms, the light sprinkling of hair tickling my fingertips, to the cuffs rolled just below his elbows. His soft cotton shirt was warm like his skin. I traced up his firm biceps to his broad shoulders, and pressed my face to his chest, inhaling deeply. The scent of fresh laundry and spicy soap greeted me.

  “I smell detergent, so I’d say your shirt is clean, and based on the way it hugs the tight muscles of your arms and chest, it’s a perfect fit. And something tells me it matches your eyes.”

  His breath quickened.

  When my fingers reached the top of his collar, I pushed them through the soft hair that landed just above. The waves would probably curl the longer it got. As my nails raked over the back of his skull, he groaned.

  “Lean down.” I urged his head down so I could press my nose into the nape of his neck. “You washed your hair. It’s still damp, and mmm, smells amazing. Like fresh pine and spices.” I pulled back, cupping his face in my hands, and dragging my fingers down his cheeks to his chin and then his neck. “You shaved recently, and your skin feels incredible.” As my hands passed over his chest, the pounding of his heart beat against my palms. A thrill coursed through me. “How’re you doing, Nate?” I was enjoying myself, but I didn’t want him to feel like he had to do this.

  “I’m good,” he rasped out in barely audible words.

  “Good as in I should stop, or as in I should continue?” I froze, not knowing what he wanted me to do.

  “For fuck’s sake, don’t stop.” He laughed.

  “Okay.” I grinned. Without lifting my palms off his chest, I moved them down over his stomach. “Nice.” I loved the way his muscles jumped and twitched under my touch. His shirt was tucked into his jeans, a thick belt through the loops. The stiffness of the material let me know he was wearing his nice clothes, not his work ones.

  I bit my lip and slowly slipped my hands around his hips and down over his tight ass, pausing to squeeze, before sliding them down the back of his legs. I hoped like hell the squatting position I was in didn’t flash ev
erything in my short dress.

  After feeling my way over his boots, I stood up, clasped my hands in front of my stomach, and smiled up at him. “You wore your dress boots and the good jeans that hug your ass just right. All and all, I’d say you were right. You are looking pretty hot tonight.”

  “Holy shit, Shiloh,” Nate gasped, laughing once the words left his mouth.

  “Well, how’re you feeling, Nate? Better?” During my exploration, something between us had changed. The awkwardness was gone, a different kind of tension taking its place. “Nate, you gotta say something. Don’t leave me hanging here,” I squeaked, hoping I hadn’t made a mistake.

  “I’m feeling really fucking appreciated, Shiloh. I think I like the way you see me.” His voice was closer as if he was inching back to me. I leaned into him, wanting to experience the warmth of his body again.

  The click-clack of approaching footsteps stopped me from reaching for him.

  “We’re about to have company.” When the hinges creaked, I faced the door and smiled, waiting to find out who was there.

  “Ready, brother?” Ryke’s low, rough voice was different than his brother’s. Nate’s, though deep, was about an octave higher. They both had a twang I loved.

  “I’m gonna head in. It was great to meet you, Ryke.” I turned to where Nate had been. “Nate, can you hand me my cane? It should be next to my chair.”

  “Uh, sure.” His movements sounded rushed as metal scraped over wood. “Here it is.”

  My outstretched hand remained empty. I smiled at his common blunder. Soft laughter behind me led me to believe Ryke noticed, too.

  “Nate, if you’re holding it out for me to grab, we might be here for a while.” I had to admit, I was having way too much fun at his expense.

  “Shit,” he mumbled before the cane met my open hand.

  “Thank you, Nate.” I tapped my way toward the door. “Oh, and Nate?” I glanced over my shoulder in his direction. “I hope to see you again.” I wiggled my eyebrows and laughed as the screen closed behind me.