Learning to Live Again Read online

  “Shit,” Rachel whispered.

  “Yeah.” Talia smiled. “Come on, let’s just enjoy ourselves today. You can decide what to do about Austin when we get back.”

  “Thanks for sharing that with me, Talia,” Rachel said before they exited the lift.

  Rachel spent the rest of the day gliding down the mountain like she’d done it all her life. Once she got started again, she just let go, taking in the beauty of her surroundings and the feel of the wind blowing across her face.

  Nick and Chelsea were snowboarding, but the rest of them skied. For the most part, they all stayed together, laughing at Nick’s antics, especially when he ended up on his face trying to impress Chelsea, like he hadn’t already won her heart.

  Tom was simply amazing in the way that he took to the mountain like he had been born without one leg. Watching him was something to behold. He looked as if he was floating on top of the snow. Effortless.

  It didn’t take long for Talia and Nick to start up a verbal war, and it was freaking hilarious to watch. They had all just stopped at the bottom of the mountain, trying to decide if they were done for the day or if they should take one more run.

  “Nick, for God’s sake, pull up your freaking pants. Your scrawny ass is just about hanging out.” Talia pulled on Nick’s baggy snowboarding pants. Rachel thought he looked fine, but they did seem to be hanging a bit more after all the times he went down on his butt.

  “You should talk. Camel toe is not an accessory, my friend. Leave that pet at home.” Nick fell backward trying to get out of Talia’s reach, tripping over his snowboard.

  “Don’t hide your flaws by looking for mine, asshole,” Talia told Nick, but there was no fire in her words. It was hard to look mad when you were cracking up. “And I don’t have a camel toe.”

  “You look perfect, honey.” Tom pulled Talia to him, planting a huge kiss on her as he slid his hands over her flawless backside. She wore her ski pants like a second skin, and even Rachel could admit she looked incredible.

  Chelsea helped Nick up, brushing off his backside in the process. Trevor and Rachel stood there watching them all, shaking their heads. “Can’t you ever behave?” Trevor asked both of them.

  “I can behave … I just choose not to.” Nick winked.

  “Come on, let’s call it a day,” Trevor said, making the decision, leading the tired group back to the condo.

  Chapter 9

  “Shit!” Austin kicked the door to the condo shut, dropping his ski gear in the entryway before heading to the living room. He needed to get his head on straight and decide what he wanted to do. Part of him wanted to just pack his things and head back to the city, lose himself in his work again, but there was another part that felt compelled to stay.

  Austin sat on the couch and rested his head in his hands. He knew he hadn’t handled that situation in the best way, but it all happened so quickly and rattled him to the core. The thought of Rachel having cancer brought back so many painful memories for him, and to be honest, Austin wasn’t sure he could go through that again.

  A warm hand on his shoulder startled Austin. Without looking up, he realized it must be Ava. He’d forgotten she would be there since she hadn’t gone skiing with everyone. “Do you want to tell me what that poor door did to deserve that kick?” Ava sat next to Austin, nudging him as she did.

  When Austin looked up, Ava smiled softly, almost like she knew exactly what happened. Austin had known Ava for a long time, basically from the time she and Talia had become friends. He took in a deep breath and slowly let it out. “Why didn’t you guys say something? Why didn’t anyone tell me about Rachel?” He hated how small his voice sounded.

  “Oh, honey.” Ava placed her arm across Austin’s shoulders. “Rachel asked us not to say anything. You have to understand, she has lived nothing but cancer and treatments for the last year. She just wanted a time where nobody treated her differently.”

  “Fuck, Ava. I don’t know if I can do this.” Austin sighed.

  “Do you like her?”

  “Of course. Way too much for the short time we’ve known each other.”

  “Well, I guess you need to decide if pursuing a relationship with Rachel is worth the risk.” Ava shrugged.

  “This whole situation …” Austin swallowed a sob. “Angie ...” He put his head in his hands and cried. He felt like an idiot for losing it in front of Ava, but she just sat there and rubbed small circles on his back, giving him time to get it all out. “I can’t fall in love with someone who could die,” Austin whispered more to himself than to Ava as he wiped his hand across his eyes.

  “Oh, Austin.” Ava sighed. “What did Rachel say after you found out?”

  Austin shook his head. “I didn’t give anyone a chance, I just walked away.”

  Ava took his hand and squeezed. “I think it is important to remember that you aren’t the only one who is vulnerable in this situation.”

  Austin nodded. “I know.”

  “Honey, losing Angie was devastating. God, she shone so bright, and her being gone is going to leave a void, but you did everything you could to try to keep her here longer. It was out of your control, Austin, but this isn't, and if you care for Rachel like you say you do, you need to sit down and talk to her.”

  “Somewhere along the way the real you—the vibrant, happy man—took a vacation. It’s time to find your way back. You can't keep hiding behind your work, Austin. It's time for you to learn to live again, for both of you.” Ava stood up and kissed him on the head.

  Austin sat there for several more minutes before he went to his room and lay down. He had a lot to think about, and he was emotionally exhausted.

  When he woke, he realized he’d been asleep for hours. Obviously he had needed it. Austin could hear voices in the living room, so he decided to get up and see what was going on. He needed to apologize for running away.

  Talia was the first one to see Austin as he entered the great room. “Hey,” she said softly as she pulled him into a hug. “You okay?”

  “I think so. Shit, Talia … I’m so sorry I walked away like that.” Austin looked around and saw someone was missing. “Where is Rachel?”

  “She’s okay. She just went for a walk through the village.” Talia squeezed his arm as Trevor walked over to him.

  Austin prepared himself for big brother’s wrath, but Trevor just put his arm around Austin and pulled him into a sideways hug. “Talia told me about your sister. I’m so sorry.” Trevor swallowed hard before continuing. “I can’t imagine … I couldn’t even when Rachel was so sick. I get it. I understand.” Trevor nodded and clapped Austin on the back as he headed into the kitchen.

  Chelsea, Ava, and Talia started heating up dinner as the guys ventured out onto the balcony. They each drank their beers in silence, which had to have been quite a feat for Nick. The mood was laid back, almost reflective.

  Shortly before dinner was ready, Rachel walked through the door, cheeks flushed from the cold. The room seemed to stop as everyone looked at her. Austin wanted to go to her and pull her into his arms. He knew he owed her an apology for the way he had acted, but there were too many eyes right now.

  Austin’s eyes locked with Rachel’s, and they seemed to have a silent understanding, and if her subtle smile was any indication, He was thinking she just might listen to what he had to say.

  As soon as dinner was over, Austin approached Rachel. “Can we talk?”

  “I’m kind of tired, Austin, but I was hoping you would be willing to spend the day with me tomorrow. There is something I would like to do, and I think you would really enjoy it, too.” Rachel watched him, waiting for his answer.

  “I’d like that. Do you want to let me in on what we are doing?” Austin asked.

  “No,” Rachel said simply with a smile.

  Austin chuckled. “Okay, well then can you tell me what time and what to wear?”

  “We need to be there at ten in the morning. You can wear whatever is comfortable, and bring a swims
uit.” Rachel giggled at Austin’s confusion.

  “You’re not helping me much.” Austin shook his head.

  Rachel smiled. “I know. Goodnight.” Rachel turned to head upstairs, but before she took another step, Austin grabbed her arm. When Rachel turned to see what he needed, Austin stepped forward and lightly kissed Rachel’s lips. He felt a zing go straight through him.

  “Goodnight.” He spoke low and could tell Rachel was caught completely off guard, reaching up and touching her lips. All she could manage was a nod before making her way up to the loft.

  “Did you guys work things out?” Talia stepped up next to Austin.

  “Not completely, but we are spending tomorrow together.”

  “Good.” Talia winked.

  Austin grabbed a beer and made his way out to the balcony. He needed to think, and Austin had a feeling the cool air would help him do just that. He hoped tomorrow would be a better day, because today pretty much sucked.

  Chapter 10

  Rachel was practically humming with excitement as she descended the stairs. Sleep had been hard to come by, even after a day of skiing and the emotional mess of what happened with Austin. She was tired, but the planned activities for the day were enough to keep her going.

  Austin sat at the breakfast bar with a cup of coffee and smiled widely as soon as he saw Rachel. “Did you want some coffee before we go?” he asked as Rachel set her small bag down and pulled up a seat.

  “That sounds great.” She watched as Austin poured her a cup and handed it to her. “Thank you.” Rachel groaned as the aroma of the strong coffee filled her senses. Neither of them tried to speak. They just sat quietly and enjoyed the coffee and the company. The other couples had left for the day to spend some time in the village, so the condo remained quiet.

  “Ready?” Rachel placed both of their cups in the sink and waited for Austin to grab his things. She waited as he locked the door and then together they began to walk toward the village.

  “Still not telling me what we are doing?” Austin asked with a slight smile.

  “You’ll see in just a few minutes. It’s not far.” Rachel smiled. The morning was clear and crisp. The air filled her lungs and seemed to take away all of the stress and apprehension she had felt since yesterday.

  Rachel led the way up a cobblestone walkway and through large wooden double doors, grinning the moment she saw Austin figure it out.

  “When was the last time you had a spa day, Austin?” Rachel giggled at this expression.

  “Umm, never.” Austin grinned back. “Did you set all this up yesterday?” Rachel nodded. “Even after I was such an ass?” Austin confirmed.

  “Rachel didn’t acknowledge his comment. She reached out and took his hand as they approached the front reception area. After checking in, they were led to a women’s lounge and a men’s lounge. They were both given large fluffy robes and instructed to put on their bathing suits under them and meet each other in the adjoining couple’s lounge.

  Rachel slipped into her suit and robe and headed out to meet Austin. The lounge had a small bar with several types of carafes filled with water. Some had lemon, some had mint, and one had cucumbers. The décor was warm and inviting with deep woods and soft chairs throughout. There was a huge fireplace that burned hot in the corner of the room. Rachel poured two glasses of lemon water and took them to the two open seats by the fireplace.

  Austin stepped out of the men’s lounge and smiled when he saw Rachel. He looked adorably handsome in his robe with his spa slippers on his feet. “So, what now?” He grinned as he sat next to her.

  Rachel looked around, seeing only one other couple across the room and smiled. They basically had the place to themselves. “We have about five hours worth of treatments coming our way.” She giggled at the shocked look on Austin’s face.

  “We have a half-hour before we go for our couple’s massage and revitalizing body wrap.” Rachel bit her lip to try to hold back her laughter. “Do you want to go sit in the hot tub?”

  Austin stood up and held out his hand. “Lead the way,” he instructed.

  The spa had several private hot tubs. Rachel and Austin slipped into one, moaning at how great it felt. Rachel’s muscles had been protesting ever since the ski day yesterday.

  “Are you sore from skiing?” Austin scooted closer to Rachel, placing his arm behind her head. “Is this okay?”

  Rachel leaned back against his arm, wordlessly answering his question. “I am sore. It has been a while since I had done anything so physical.” Rachel closed her eyes, basking in the warmth of the rolling and bubbling water.

  “Rachel, I’m so sorry about yesterday. I shouldn’t have walked away like I did.” Rachel opened her eyes to find Austin staring intently at her. She turned and placed her small hand along his cheek.

  “I’m sorry about your sister, Austin, and I’m sorry you felt like we kept something from you. That wasn’t my intent,” Rachel explained as Austin closed his eyes and leaned into her hand.

  “I know.” Austin turned and kissed Rachel’s palm, taking it into his own. They sat in comfortable silence until the spa concierge came to take them to their massage.

  “I hope you don’t mind being in the same room for our treatments,” Rachel whispered nervously. She hadn’t really thought about it when she booked it, but now it seemed so intimate. She was looking forward to spending the day with Austin like this; she just hoped he felt the same.

  Austin grabbed her hand as they walked to the massage suite. “This is perfect. All of it.” He squeezed Rachel’s hand, and she felt the nervousness fade away.

  After some awkward maneuvering and laughing, Austin and Rachel manage to situate themselves on the massage tables without baring their goods to the world. The tables were set up just close enough for them to hold hands.

  A woman and man came in and, after briefly introducing themselves, they began to massage and rub the soreness and stress away. They spent the next ninety minutes with their eyes closed, only opening them occasionally to share a contented smile. At the end of the massage, they had to let go of each other to finish the wrap portion.

  After Rachel and Austin were buffed, shined, and wrapped, they were left alone to relax for a bit. Unable to touch, they just turned their heads toward each other.

  “Did you lose your hair?” Austin spoke so softly that Rachel almost didn’t hear him.

  “Yes. It was devastating at first. I had long, dark hair. It was my best feature.” Rachel tried to shrug, but the wrap made it impossible.

  “I disagree. It’s not your best feature, even when it was long.” Austin watched Rachel so intently that she felt utterly exposed. “You have a kind heart and a strength that is unlike anything I’ve ever seen. What you have been through would break most people, but you seem unfazed.”

  “Not unfazed, Austin. I had a rough time like anyone who goes through something like this. Just when I thought I couldn’t do it, I realized I could. I could, because I had to—because there was no other choice. Cancer didn’t stop me from being me; it just helped me find what really matters—what is really important. I want to open my mind, try new things. Take chances I never thought I could. I am strong because I was weak, I am beautiful because I own my flaws, and I can laugh now because I’ve known true sadness. Don’t ever be afraid to live, Austin.” Rachel wanted so badly to wrap Austin in her arms at that moment. His eyes shone with unshed tears, and she knew he was hurting.

  As if the masseurs sensed it, they returned and finished the wrap. Soon they were led to the steam room to spend a bit of time before their light lunch. Austin and Rachel hung up their robes outside of the steam room and stepped into the fog-filled room. They made their way to the bench seat in the corner, and before Austin could sit down, Rachel threw her arms around him.

  “I’m sorry this brings back hurtful memories for you,” Rachel mumbled into Austin’s chest.

  Austin stepped back and tilted Rachel’s face up to meet his eyes. They were so
close she could see the raw emotion even through the steam. “This all is actually bringing some things into perspective for me. Seeing you, the way you love life, even after all the suffering has helped me realize that Angie would hate the way I am holding on to the pain.” Austin leaned his forehead against Rachel’s. “Thank you. Not just for today, but for giving me the chance to spend time with you, and for helping me live a little bit more each day.”

  Rachel stood up on her tippy toes and placed a kiss to Austin’s lips. “Thank you.”

  Chapter 11

  Austin straightened out his tie and looked at himself in the mirror one final time before heading to the great room. The first thing he noticed was the three couples sitting together and laughing. Talia sat on Tom’s lap as he whispered softly into her ear. Austin smiled when he saw his cousin tilt her head back and place a kiss on her husband’s lips.

  Nick was telling a story to Trevor as Chelsea rolled her eyes at Ava, but the way she ran her hand through the back of his hair and the tight hold Nick had on Chelsea’s waist showed that they couldn’t be more in love.

  Trevor sat with his hand on Ava’s leg, protectively. Ava leaned against him and sighed, seeming very satisfied.

  There was so much love in this room alone, and Austin felt privileged to be a part of it. Rachel walked up to him and placed her small hand around his waist. Austin looked down at the beautiful dark-haired beauty who stood next to him with her rosy cheeks and life-altering smile. He had never felt so complete. It scared him and excited him at the same time. “You look gorgeous,” he whispered before leaning down to steal a kiss.

  He and Rachel had been inseparable the last couple of days. The spa day they spent together had been a turning point for them. They talked and laughed and even slept in the same bed together, although their relationship had not crossed those physical lines yet. It was the first time Austin was just content to hold someone. Rachel did that to him. It didn’t matter that they weren’t having sex.